“No man is an island”
~John Donne.

At some point in adulthood, our social support changes, if not shrinks!
People move away, careers get busy, and life fills up with responsibilities. Suddenly the friendships that once formed easily require more effort and intention.

Recently, I started thinking more deeply about this.
Between last year and until the end of this year, three of my close friends will be moving away.
My mind understands that change is normal. But emotionally, it still stings 🥺.

That experience made me reflect on something many of us experience but rarely talk about: the importance of meaningful connection.

The Science of Connection

One of the most well-known research projects on happiness, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, began in 1938 and followed more than 700 people throughout their lives. Researchers tracked their health, relationships, and overall wellbeing (Harvard Second Generation Study, n.d.).

The findings were contrary to what we often think!

They found that the most consistent responses were not career achievement, money, or a healthy diet. Instead, they found that people with strong, supportive relationships were happier, healthier, and lived longer than those with weak or troubled relationships. They also found that social fitness, or the ability to build and maintain strong relationships, was more important to a long and happy life than genes, social class, or IQ.

Other studies sent the same message.

Social isolation has been linked to a 50% higher risk of dementia (Guarnera et al., 2023).
People with strong social connections are 50% more likely to live longer compared to those with weaker social ties (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

In other words, relationships are not only affecting our emotions but also our brains, our stress levels, and even our lifespans.

But What About Friendship at Work?

Many professionals are cautious about making friends at work. Some worry it is a distraction from being productive or create unnecessary drama. But research suggests the opposite!

A study by Jehn & Shah (1997) revealed that friendship groups at work outperform acquaintance groups because they tend to communicate more openly and collaborate more effectively. Moreover, Gallup’s workplace research (2024) found that employees who report having a best friend at work are more likely to show higher engagement, better productivity, and stronger commitment to their organization.

So, healthy friendships at work do not weaken professionalism; they strengthen it.

Why You Can Feel Lonely Even Around People?

At the same time, many of us experience a confusing reality… Even though we spend all day in meetings, conversations, or group chats, we still feel lonely and disconnected 😵‍💫.

Loneliness is not simply about being physically alone. It's about the gap between the connections we have and the meaningful connections we need.

Psychologist Robert Weiss (1973) described two types of loneliness: Social loneliness – the lack of a social network and Emotional loneliness – the lack of emotional connection.

This explains why we can sit in a busy office or participate in back-to-back meetings and still feel disconnected. So, not just the quantity, but the quality of the connection does matter.

Quality matters more than quantity.
Which brings us to the challenging (and yet so real!) questions of being an adult!

Friendship Looks Different in Adulthood

Making friends as adults rarely happens the way it did during our teenage years. Back then, proximity, shared schedules, and constant interaction did most of the work. Friendships form naturally.
As adults, friendship usually grows differently.

Instead of instant closeness, it develops through small, repeated moments: a quick check-in message, a short tea/coffee conversation, a five-minute call, and sharing something honest about how you're really doing

Over time, these small moments build familiarity, trust, and connection.

Friendship may take more intention in adulthood, but it can still grow deeply meaningful.

**Let's Clear Up Some Myths**

Before we dive deep into what to do, let's address some common misconceptions that might be making us uncertain about friendship.
***Myth:*** *Work is work, not for making friends.*
**Truth: Healthy boundaries and genuine connection can strengthen teamwork and engagement (Gallup, 2024).**
***Myth:*** *Loneliness only happens when you’re alone.*
**Truth: You can feel lonely even when surrounded by people if you don’t feel understood or supported**.
***Myth:*** *Friendship should be effortless; if it’s hard, it’s not worth it.*
**Truth: Making friends as we grow older often takes intention: time, follow-ups, and small acts of care.**
***Myth****: Friends at work lead to "cliques" and drama.*
**Truth: Healthy work friendships are inclusive. While "cliques" are about exclusion, "bonds" are about mutual support.**

Myth: Friendship is a personal matter. It has nothing to do with performance or productivity.
Truth: Research links close social connection to better sleep, lower cortisol, reduced inflammation, and stronger cognitive function. All of these directly affect how we show up at work.

Myth: Remote workers don't need friends at work.
Truth: Remote workers are at the highest risk for isolation. Intentional connection is even more important.

Myth: Socializing at work is a waste of company time.
Truth: These connection over the pantry prevent mental fatigue and spark ideas between different teams.

What You Can Do Right Now

Here is one actionable strategy to try out!

Try to make one helpful shift by focusing less on creating new connections and more on deepening existing ones. Instead of expanding our network, try strengthening the relationships already in our life.

For example, the next time someone asks, “How are you?” and you respond with “I’m fine", pause for a moment, and try to follow up by gently asking: “And how are you, really?” 🍃

Small moments of honesty and curiosity can turn routine conversations into meaningful ones. Connection often grows from these simple exchanges.

The Friendship Health Check

Want to take it a step further? Try this short exercise.

Take a few minutes and write down the names of two or three people who truly know you. Not just what you do, but how you are.

Then ask yourself, "When was the last time we really spoke? Not just a quick message or emoji, but an actual conversation?”

Choose one person from that list and reach out this week. No agenda. No pressure. Just connection 💬!

Sometimes, knowing that someone understands what we’re going through can make the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling capable of moving forward.

Remember, friendship is not only a nice-to-have but also a biological necessity.
Connection doesn't require perfection,
it just requires showing up, authentically and consistently,
one small connection at a time.

You've got this!

Guarnera, J., Yuen, E., & Macpherson, H. (2023). The Impact of Loneliness and Social Isolation on Cognitive Aging: A Narrative Review. Journal of Alzheimer's disease reports, 7(1), 699–714. https://doi.org/10.3233/ADR-230011

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
Harvard Second Generation study. (n.d.). Harvard study.https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org/

Social pain | Edge.org. (n.d.). https://www.edge.org/conversation/naomi_eisenberger-social-pain
Jehn, K. A., & Shah, P. P. (1997). Interpersonal relationships and task performance: An examination of mediation processes in friendship and acquaintance groups. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72(4), 775–790. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.72.4.775